The Embarrassment of Playing with Toys – Encouraging Pre-Teens to Keep Playing
The Embarrassment of Playing with Toys – Encouraging Pre-Teens to Keep Playing
Play is crucial to development well into adolescence, but as children transition into their ‘tweens’ (around 9-12 years), there is often a shift. While they may still enjoy toys and imaginative play, they can start to feel embarrassed about it. This embarrassment isn’t necessarily because they’ve outgrown toys, rather that they’re becoming more aware and concerned about how others perceive them. Read ahead for more ways to encourage pre-teens to keep playing.
Why Play Matters for Older Children
Play is overlooked as children approach adolescence, but imaginative play is still really important, helping them to develop creativity, problem-solving and self-expression. And when older children are encouraged to embrace play, they become more comfortable with their own identities, are able to practise social skills and develop resilience. Play is also important for mental health and can build confidence and independence. When children feel free to enjoy play without embarrassment, they’re more likely to become creative thinkers and confident decision makers.
Why Do Older Children Feel Embarrassed About Playing with Toys?
Society often treats play as something strictly for young children, with the expectation that children will “grow out of it” before the tween years. During this time, children are increasingly aware of social dynamics and will begin to emulate teenagers or adults and associate growing up with leaving behind ‘childish’ things. Sadly, the desire to fit in and seem grown up discourages them from playing with toys, even if they still enjoy it.
Some adults, whether parents or teachers, don’t recognise the importance of imaginative play for pre-teens and may encourage them to set aside toys in favour of more ‘serious’ activities. Also the media often glamorises adulthood, creating the impression that the privileges of being ‘grown up’ are worth leaving childhood play behind.
Encouraging Children to Keep Playing
To help children feel comfortable continuing to play as they grow, parents can support them by introducing toys and games that align with their interests. Pre-teens often enjoy activities with tech elements or those they see adults enjoying. Role models can have a big impact here as children are more likely to play when they see someone they admire doing the same.
Don’t throw out or pass on toys too quickly. Children often regress back to playing with favourite toys, especially during times when they’re feeling worried, tired or under the weather. They may take comfort in playing with their old favourites, especially soft toys, even though most of the time they’ll seem to have grown out of them.
Show children that play is important and fun for adults too and do play-related activities as a family. Dig out some board games for a games night, have a video gaming tournament, or an obstacle course or water fight in the garden. There are many activities that people of all ages can enjoy together.
Try not to use growing up as praise. There’s a tendency to say things like “That’s so grown-up” or “You’re such a big girl/boy”. Children always want to be older than they are and parents are often pressured to push their children to reach milestones or achievements early. Anything you can do to challenge this is helpful, and by not using growing up as a form of praise or incentive can help.
Many tween-age children still like playing with toys, but won’t get them out when their friends come round, or admit to playing with them because it’s not seen as ‘cool’. So helping them to develop their self confidence will enable them to say, “This is who I am and this is what I like playing with.” If a child is worried they aren’t like other children their age, remind them there’s nothing wrong with being different and encourage them not to compare themselves to others.
Pre-teens will want to seem more grown up if they’re fighting to get trust and independence. The children who are getting that trust and freedom from their parents are likely to be more accepting of staying childlike in other ways. The more comfortable they are in their own skin, the less likely they are to try to be more mature than they are.
It’s important for parents to remind their tweens that just because they’re getting older, it doesn’t mean they have to deal with things on their own. Have open conversations with them and make sure they know you’re still there to support them if anything is worrying them.
Embracing Play as a Path to Growth
It’s natural for pre-teens to feel some embarrassment as they transition from childhood to adolescence, but play should still be a part of their lives, and supporting their curiosity and creativity can help them grow into inventive, thoughtful adults. By encouraging play as an age-appropriate activity we give older children the confidence to stay true to themselves and develop the skills they’ll need in the adult world.